I dunno wat to feel..

I dunno how to describe the feeling tat im having now.. its a mixture & complicated.. Replied to ur email yesterday.. wonder if u've alr read it.. and whether do u understand or accept wat i was trying to tell u..

Im feeling really afraid n lost now.. i dunno wat are u thinking or feeling now.. i hafto admit tat my heart sank when i saw ur email.. a breakup was nv wat i expected.. i know u'll be very angry n pek chek.. but i totally nv expect u to wanto end this r/s.. my world seems to haf collapsed.. it felt like a knife haf stabbed into my heart n i dunno wat to do.. i called but u dun wanto ans.. i dunno wat to do.. this is not wat i wanted.. i was waiting for u to cool down & i'll start to explain n make things right for us..

U told me to type u an email if i got anything to say.. but i jux can't sit down calmly n type u an email.. im so afraid of losing u.. i feel like banging my head against the wall.. im so angry wif myself for wat is happening.. so i decided to tk a risk to go down ur place to find u..

I know u're pissed when u know im outside ur door.. im sorry.. but pls dun be offended.. like i said.. im not trying to force u or anything.. if not i cld haf open the door wif the keys.. i still respect ur decision whether u wanto open the door n let us talk.. im jux too afraid of losing u.. i cannot allow a breakup w/o communication & a decision based on ur misunderstandings..

I dunno if im making sense to u when im at ur place.. i oso dunno if u accept my explanations.. u said u need to think abt it.. i dunno to feel glad or wat? cux wat if ur decision is still the same?? wat am i supposed to do then? whenever i think of it i'll feel so lost n heartache.. i lost the love of my life!! how am i supposed to continue from here.. I DUN WANTO LOSE U!!! I DUN WANTO MOVE ON W/O U IN MY LIFE!!! U'RE ALL TAT I WANTED & I LOVE U SO MUCH!!! I really need u in my life & i doubt i can ever love someone as much as i love u..

All our memories are making me unable to breathe n feeling suffocated.. this is the first time tat i feel so lost & heartache.. Pls.. can we dun end this way??? Pls dun gif up on me n our r/s.. can we hold on n work things out?? pls gif our r/s another shot.. i know the deeper the love, the deeper the pain.. i understand tat i really hurt u this time.. im really sorry.. but i really nv sway.. i still love u alot n love only u.. I blame myself for causing all these misunderstandings n misery now..

But can pls haf the last bit of faith n courage to try again wif me?? Like i said.. pls dun walk out of my life now.. i can't afford to lose u.. wat am i supposed to do w/o u??? i know u can't trust me now.. im not forcing u to accept me now.. jux tk ur time to gain back ur trust again.. i jux need u to want to move on wif me.. dun look back n always live in fear.. i need u to look forward wif me & i believe we wld work things out over time thru my actions.. i wld nv ever do anything tat wld caused u to doubt my love for u again.. gif me the chance to prove n show it to u tat u're the one i love the most & treasure so much.. i'll hold on n not gif up.. i'll fight for our happiness..

Still rem the quote i wrote on the V'day card i made for u?? "To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another" I wrote tat becos it describe how i feel towards u.. i've alr pinned my happiness on u.. how can i be happy w/o u?? u're alr a huge part of my life, i can't lose u..

Baby, i really hope u'll cool down & not let ur anger tk over ur feelings/thinkings.. Pls dun make a decision tat wld let both of us suffer & always live in regret.. my feelings for u haf nv change.. it only grows deeper as time goes by.. I'll continue to fight for ur forgiveness & willingness to start all over again.. for u're the one i ever love so much before.. i still wanto haf so many plans ahead wif u.. i only want u in all the plans.. Pls do gif us a chance.. I've alr lost u once.. i dun wanto lose u again.. and definitely not to lose u for good.. I love u & misses u alot alot alot....