Sunday, February 28, 2010

One step at a time..

Its been a week.. we had some talk earlier on.. U mentioned that u still unable to put into words wat u're feeling right now.. U need more time to think abt this r/s & whether we're able to work things out.. U told me u're feeling better now.. everything may seem normal now but u dunno how long u'll tk to reach an answer inside u..

All i can say is.. My love, no worries.. pls dun worry abt how long u'll gonna tk.. i did not blame u or anything.. all i ask in you is not to gif up on me & our r/s.. watever or wherever went wrong in this r/s, we'll address to the issues one by one and pls haf the faith that we'll go back to where we used to be.. i believe we could as long as the love is still there.. we're jux gg thru rough patches in this r/s.. our vision may get blurred.. our faith/trust may get affected.. our thinking might get twisted.. but one thing tat hasn't changed is our love & memories..

Let's not rush & tk our time to carefully mend back the broken parts.. Lets tk things one step at a time.. At least now u've moved on from the anger stage.. we're one step closer now.. I know & understand that u still haf many doubts & questions.. u dun wish to feel this way either.. and this is surely not how a r/s is gg to work out. But dun worry my love.. u reacted like this all becos u really care.. the more u care, the deeper the cut.. i can totally know where u're coming from & there's nothing wrong wif u..

I jux wanto say tat u're the one i really love the most in my entire life.. I know in my heart tat u're the one i really want.. nothing can ever compares to u.. no one & nothing in this lifetime can ever replace u in my heart.. so i wld hold on & not go anywhere.. I'll wait & guide u patiently back to where we belong.. i want our story to continue & haf a everlasting happy ending.. the road ahead may be rough & tough, but i am not looking back.. i am looking forward to the day tat we'll close up all the gaps between us..

I love u & i'll always be...

Nothing compares...

Walking down brick lane, feel the blue.
Winds blowing lightly and i picture you.
Sweet sunday morning, with nothing to do.
Love is like a dream, when it's just me and you.

Open my window, sing me a song.
Baby can't you see that this is where i belong
With your hand in my hand, still feel the love
Really wish that we could go back to the way that it was.

They say if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger.
Oh, but i can't be without you any longer.
Everytime i let it go, baby it's you.
Nothing compares to you.
Nothing compares to you.

Sweet sunday morning, all by myself.
Hard love what we've done, when with anyone else.
Watch my mascara dripping down.
Baby how did we end up like this? where are you now?

They say if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger.
Oh, but i can't be without you any longer.
Everytime i let it go, baby it's you.
Nothing compares to you.
Nothing compares to you.

I'm running fast, as fast as i can, to get you back, just to get you back again.
I can not wait, i can not wait, if we can be, we can be us again.
I cry at night, cry at night, i'll cry for all the words, all the words i didn't say.
Sweet sundays, sweet sundays.

They say if it doesn't kill you it'll make you stronger.
Oh, but i can't be without you any longer.
Everytime i let it go, baby it's you.
Nothing compares to you.
Nothing compares to you.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

I really miss u..

While preparing for work got reminded of e ring.. The feeling is so sad.. I lost e ring, something seems missing on my left hand.. Jux like u're missing in my life now.. It feels incomplete..

I really miss u alot.. Have been trying to get myself busy wif work n online drama etc.. But I know I'm jux hiding from the loneliness n misses I go thru whenever I think of u..

It jux seems so diff.. Cux almost everything ard me reminds me of u n our gd times.. I really love u wif all my heart. I can't imagine u out of my life.. I dunno how to move on.. I dunno how to forget u n our everything.. The love is still so strong how to stop n walk away??

I really dunno how or wat to do.. I miss u.. I really do..
I dun like e feeling tat I'm out of ur life. I haf no right to ask where u're gg, who u're meeting.. I feel so detached.. I wanted to be close but I haf no right to interfere ur life..

Mayb I was too hopeful the past few days. Think I shld try not to hold too high hopes..

The feelings is really sad now. It felt like I'm losing everything. Whenever I thot of yesterday incident I jux feel so angry wif myself. How could I ever lost it? Isit a hint to me tat I'm losing more than jux a ring?

I dunno wat to think or feel now.. I shld jux try not to think abt it jux be emotionless if I can..
Things were actually looking better but this hafto happen at this time. Once again I feel so helpless n lost.. Is heaven playing a joke on me or wat??

U seemed so calm why I told u abt it. Are u really ok? Or do u feel upset? Angry? I hope so.. Cux at least u care.. But pls dun care tat u're not important. Cux u seriously mean alot to me.. Tats why I been wearing e ring everyday cux it's a symbol of our love.. But now I lost it.. I tried my best to find it back but I failed..

Thinking am I losing jux e ring or everything together wif it?? Am I losing u?Can we work things out?? So many questions on my mind but there's no ans.. I'm really scared.. Wat if I'm gonna lose u.. Jux like e ring.. So unexpectedly n ridiculously.. How am I gg to move on???

Friday, February 26, 2010

Wtf is gg on? I'm so fucking angry wif myself!!! This is so ridiculous n I cannot understand how.. Why mux this happened at this time?? ARGHH!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I'm sorry..

I'm sorry for all e misery n heartache u going thru now. U do not deserve these at all.. I hate myself for all these!!! I could not forgive myself for causing u to go thru all these..

Wat can I do to make u feel better? I wld do anything & everything as long as u wld feel better.. I dunno why things wld progress to wat it is now?? Mayb it's fate? Mayb it's a test?

Watever it is.. Pls tk care of urself. I'll always be there though u may not want me there.. U may not trust me anymore.. But i believe one day u'll believe in me again.. Cux my love is here to stay wif me for as long as u want.. Hugs!!!

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I dunno wat to feel..

I dunno how to describe the feeling tat im having now.. its a mixture & complicated.. Replied to ur email yesterday.. wonder if u've alr read it.. and whether do u understand or accept wat i was trying to tell u..

Im feeling really afraid n lost now.. i dunno wat are u thinking or feeling now.. i hafto admit tat my heart sank when i saw ur email.. a breakup was nv wat i expected.. i know u'll be very angry n pek chek.. but i totally nv expect u to wanto end this r/s.. my world seems to haf collapsed.. it felt like a knife haf stabbed into my heart n i dunno wat to do.. i called but u dun wanto ans.. i dunno wat to do.. this is not wat i wanted.. i was waiting for u to cool down & i'll start to explain n make things right for us..

U told me to type u an email if i got anything to say.. but i jux can't sit down calmly n type u an email.. im so afraid of losing u.. i feel like banging my head against the wall.. im so angry wif myself for wat is happening.. so i decided to tk a risk to go down ur place to find u..

I know u're pissed when u know im outside ur door.. im sorry.. but pls dun be offended.. like i said.. im not trying to force u or anything.. if not i cld haf open the door wif the keys.. i still respect ur decision whether u wanto open the door n let us talk.. im jux too afraid of losing u.. i cannot allow a breakup w/o communication & a decision based on ur misunderstandings..

I dunno if im making sense to u when im at ur place.. i oso dunno if u accept my explanations.. u said u need to think abt it.. i dunno to feel glad or wat? cux wat if ur decision is still the same?? wat am i supposed to do then? whenever i think of it i'll feel so lost n heartache.. i lost the love of my life!! how am i supposed to continue from here.. I DUN WANTO LOSE U!!! I DUN WANTO MOVE ON W/O U IN MY LIFE!!! U'RE ALL TAT I WANTED & I LOVE U SO MUCH!!! I really need u in my life & i doubt i can ever love someone as much as i love u..

All our memories are making me unable to breathe n feeling suffocated.. this is the first time tat i feel so lost & heartache.. Pls.. can we dun end this way??? Pls dun gif up on me n our r/s.. can we hold on n work things out?? pls gif our r/s another shot.. i know the deeper the love, the deeper the pain.. i understand tat i really hurt u this time.. im really sorry.. but i really nv sway.. i still love u alot n love only u.. I blame myself for causing all these misunderstandings n misery now..

But can pls haf the last bit of faith n courage to try again wif me?? Like i said.. pls dun walk out of my life now.. i can't afford to lose u.. wat am i supposed to do w/o u??? i know u can't trust me now.. im not forcing u to accept me now.. jux tk ur time to gain back ur trust again.. i jux need u to want to move on wif me.. dun look back n always live in fear.. i need u to look forward wif me & i believe we wld work things out over time thru my actions.. i wld nv ever do anything tat wld caused u to doubt my love for u again.. gif me the chance to prove n show it to u tat u're the one i love the most & treasure so much.. i'll hold on n not gif up.. i'll fight for our happiness..

Still rem the quote i wrote on the V'day card i made for u?? "To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another" I wrote tat becos it describe how i feel towards u.. i've alr pinned my happiness on u.. how can i be happy w/o u?? u're alr a huge part of my life, i can't lose u..

Baby, i really hope u'll cool down & not let ur anger tk over ur feelings/thinkings.. Pls dun make a decision tat wld let both of us suffer & always live in regret.. my feelings for u haf nv change.. it only grows deeper as time goes by.. I'll continue to fight for ur forgiveness & willingness to start all over again.. for u're the one i ever love so much before.. i still wanto haf so many plans ahead wif u.. i only want u in all the plans.. Pls do gif us a chance.. I've alr lost u once.. i dun wanto lose u again.. and definitely not to lose u for good.. I love u & misses u alot alot alot....

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Sad..

Who is tat Maureen? Why u tk photo wif her like so close? Not feeling gd after seeing e photos.. But I can only blame myself for wanting to care too much..

I started everyday telling myself today will be a better day.. But emo-ness will always visit me n I'll feel so suffocated.. I start to ponder how do I managed to survive the last time? Den I thot of buddy.. She helped me alot during the first few days.. Really appreciate her.. But too bad. We had some misunderstanding n we've drifted le..

This time I can only depend on myself.. I need to perservere n stay positive.. But I really dunno how long this is gg to last n when will I hit my limit n go BOOM!!!

Been having e idea of gg tanning or watching movie alone.. Mayb I can plan tat on my next off.. Rather than always nua at home n feel emo...

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Like I mentioned in my email to u.. I'm gonna respect ur decision of leaving u alone.. So I'm not gonna contact u..

Saw u online e whole day.. But nv talk to u.. U jux went offline. Wonder wat r u doing now & wat u thinking.. Watching tv?

As for me.. I jux keep playing restaurant city n watch drama online.. Now nuaing on e bed.. Switching from channel to channel to find something interesting to watch.. This is e time when how I wish I haf SCV..

Baby I hope u're feeling better.. I'm praying for the day tat u'll finally find the words to say soon.. Love n misses, muacks!!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Looking thru ur blog.. Really miss u alot.. Feel like smsing u.. But I won't cux I dun want u to feel pressurized or anything..

Jux feel real sad.. I dunno wat mux I do or say to earn ur trust. I'm sad tat things are the way they are now. I hate myself for everything.

Baby I miss u....

Persecuted!!!

U chose to persecute me for a crime tat I did not or even thought of committing. U rather let ur fear overule all tat I put in from my heart & soul. U left me helpless & hopeless..

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Too little time for too many...

Sigh.. plan to iron clothes after got back home but not enuff time le.. cux am gg to tk my beauty slp in like 30mins?? hahaha.. all thanks to the 100 over company emails to clear!!! They're seriously spamming my mail every single day!!!

Quite an amount of things to blog so pls bare wif me yah?? hahaha..

1) AMIT Concert!!!!

AMIT Concert is a BOMB!!! hahaha.. oh well, mayb im jux a turtle hidden in the highest mountain tat i find the concert very fascinating.. or mayb its becos its my first time listening to ah mei singing LIVE!!! OMG!!! She's my diva of all time!!! hahaha.. Finally one of my dreams since young come true!!! actually i had another dream which is to watch Kobe Bryant play in Staples Centre LIVE while sitting at the front row.. hahaha.. doubt this dream will ever come true.. cux by the time i save enuff to fly to LA & to buy the front row seat at Staples Centre, think Kobe would haf retired le.. hahahah.. alright, enuff of day-dreaming.. lets continue..

Had so much fun tat night & i hope baby enjoy herself too.. Baby even sang along when ah mei is singing some of her sentimental songs.. hahaha.. And the best thing is baby promised to go wif me again when ah mei is coming again!!!! YEAH!!! But madeline u better come along next time k?? Its a pity that u din join us tat night lor.. if not it would haf been more fun..

By the way baby, am still waiting for u to upload the pics yah?? Cux its time to change my profile pic on fb & fridae le!!! hahahaha..

2) Valentine Day cum CNY

Am working day shift on both chu xi and chu yi.. how sad right?? hahaha.. but im totally cool abt it!!! know why? cux work will end at 6pm instead of 730pm on chu xi cux we're given time off to go home for reunion dinner!!! Also after working day on chu yi, i'll be off for 3days!!! Woohoo!!! Which also means tat i'll be able to make it for herstory V'day cum CNY party @ butter factory on the 13th!!! Am so excited & looking forward to go butter factory.. cux been there once for fren's bday party.. though its a straight club, i hafto admit that i love the place & the music!!! hope that it won't be a disappointment & we're all gonna enjoy ourselves tat night.. =)

3) Er jie back to singlehood

sigh.. this is a stunner.. after abt 4-5yrs of relationship, er jie is now back to singlehood.. and my sis is somehow the one who contributed to it?? sigh.. can't blame everything on my sis.. especially when comes to relationships.. its really hard to pin point to either party.. both parties had done their part and invested both their time & efforts to make things to work.. but sometimes when the gap is so great tat no matter wat u do could never bridge the gap ever again.. i hope there'll be no hatred & both parties to appreciate the fact that each had been part of the beautiful memories..

My family had alr so used to seeing kervis & including her in all our plans, but now everything hafto start all over again.. its quite a sad feeling.. cux no matter how much we like kervis, we also hafto move on jux like last time.. i seriously pity kervis alot.. i do not hold high hopes that they're gonna get back tgt.. hope she's doing fine & be strong to overcome this..


It got me thinking.. we really hafto cherish the person next to us now.. do not tk the person for granted.. it tks every single day/meet-up/words/actions tat we do to make things work.. never hesitate to tell or show how much the person means to u so the person will feel appreciated & sweet inside..

To the love of my life:

Though i've said this endless time.. but im still gonna say this AGAIN & AGAIN!!! Baby i love love u so so much!!! U're the best thing tat ever happened in my life & im still very thankful till this day.. we might quarrels at times, but i know u're still the one whom i wanto kiss before we go to bed at night & the one i wanto see the moment i open my eyes in the morning.. let us not forget how we met, how we finally managed to get tgt & how we spend our single day for the past 2yr plus.. lets make love to each other every single day (i do not mean literally making love ok? hahaha.. u shld know wat i mean.. hahaha..) & work towards a future tat only belongs to us.. hehehe.. Mmmuacksss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!