Disappointment in myself..

Sigh.. Work has been more & more demanding!! And needless to say, my stress level also goes higher & higher.. =(

More responsibilities & more work than before.. Being expected to do 2 persons' work load, expected to tk care of alot of things.. Being answerable for many many things..

Cannot SNA, cannot hold pilot, cannot early completion, cannot anyhow WT/relief, cannot let hauliers wait for too long, cannot anyhow divert containers, mux haf productivity of at least 3.5, cannot only run 1 crane, cannot back stroke (yet not enuff cranes/resources), mux do pinsmart/T40 etc etc..

So MANY things to tk care & above is jux not ALL!!! Been failing to meet expectations afew times recently.. I jux HATE the feeling of failing.. I always tell myself i mux do it! Fail this time, nvm.. Shall make sure i do it right next time.. Mayb jux like wat baby always said of me, im a perfectionist. So i cannot stand failure & very particular abt things & esp my work when bosses haf higher expectations of me..

I used to enjoy the higher expectations that bosses haf of me.. but now im feeling STRESS!! Why can't i tk care of everything the way i'm expected to?? I started to haf doubts in my capabilities.. Is it tat im not as gd as they think i am? Or i'm jux tking things too hard? Why am i still making stupid mistakes at this stage? I should not be making stupid mistakes by now..

I need to GROW!! I need to grow in my work & personalities.. I need to be more decisive & clear-minded.. I need to keep my cool in the mess of work & think wif a clear mind.. I cannot be distracted by other things or during exceptions.. I want to meet expectations & even to exceed them!!!

AHH!!! I want no more mistakes again!!! Unless its things tat im not aware of or nv come across before.. I wanto prove my abilities again.. I dun wanto be the weaker one.. I mux pick myself up & focus my work.. I dun wanto feel this way again..