Talking to nick yest n she told me tat time when she n janice went over ur place for chill out.. U mentioned something abt our r/s has become a routine? Always meet up, haf dinner, go hm, watch TV/relax then slp.. Everytime is the same.. I was demoralized when i hear tat.. Cux i din noe tat u're actually feeling this way for quite sometime alr.. when i did not sense anything wrong??
I was really upset n angry wif myself.. why i did not sense anything wrong? Why u did not tell me anything or talk to me abt it? But choose to keep to urself n allow this issue to grow? Why am i not sensitive enuff to noe tat u're feeling tat way?? I dunno since when or how long u been feeling this way..
Im sorry that u hafto hide ur feelings n hafto pretend tat nothing is wrong whenever u're wif me.. Im sorry for all the struggles u hafto go thru on ur own.. Im sorry tat i did not understand ur needs better?
Been thinking abt the word 'routine'.. Looking thru the pics we took, everything haf been so swt since the beginning.. Yes, we do quarrels or arguments but we managed to iron things out n keep our r/s strong.. But mayb for the past few mths, both our work has been busy n u having all the issues wif ah pa, parents etc our life became more stagnant? Cux we dun meet up wif frens tat often anymore.. We meet up n most of the time we jux go hm..
But im wondering isnt all r/s lidat? Singapore is so small or working life in singapore is so hectic tat our available leisure activities are only those few: Movie, shopping, Ktv, Pool, clubbing, sun tanning n etc.. Both of us are working, hence we could only meet up after work or off days.. After a day of work, there's only limited things we could do becos next day we gotta work too? Unless its a weekend n not working the next day, den we could stay out late.. Aren't we doing all these? I really wonder isnt all r/s lidat?
Tats why it really makes me think isit becos of my work? Cux i work shifts, i can't spend all weekends wif u, sometimes public holidays i got to work n can't acc u.. Den on night shifts, im unable to meet or chat wif u after u finish work.. Isit becos of these, tats why u feel lonely at times? Becos of my work, u hafto find ur own entertainments, stay hm n try to find things to do etc.. Yet, u cannot complain to me becos im working.. U hafto be supportive tats why u've been keeping quiet all the while? And the prob jux cont to grow till now u think we need a cool off to think abt the r/s??
The past 2 times tat u came to talk to me online, the first thing u ask me is always abt work.. do u realised?
First time:
gillyn. *Time stand still and two hearts catch fire* says:
not workin today?
gillyn. *Time stand still and two hearts catch fire* says:
thought u suppose to be workin nite shift
Second time:
gillyn. *Time stand still and two hearts catch fire* says:
still not slepin?
gillyn. *Time stand still and two hearts catch fire* says:
oh ya
gillyn. *Time stand still and two hearts catch fire* says:
u not workin tomorrow
I wanted to ask u yesterday when u came to talk to me.. isit the first thing tat u'll ever talk to me is abt my work? U're always asking who come i nv work or why i nv slp.. But i dun wanto spoil the conversation, hence i hold back.. But it does make me realised tat to u, my work always come first.. But do u noe, u're very impt to me too?? Everyone has to work, we can't run away from it.. Thus, i always make sure my free time are all reserved for u.. haf u realised it? And i'll always think of ideas to spice things up n make u feel loved..
- Like i wld surprise u at where u having meetings (Upper thomson rd & the indian lawyer's couple, still rem?)
- Tat night when i last min dun need to go work and we decided to go watch movie, i secretly went to get a card n write down how much i treasure the time i can spend wif u..
- I prepared a romantic dinner for u at hm
Can't u feel the love from me?? Isit still not enuff to spice things up??
I also realised u been spending alot of time on facebook? isit becos u're bored tats why u'll keep urself entertain thru facebook? Im not into facebook, but now im trying to figure it out n try to close up our gap.. Isit too late to do so now?
Well, during this time tat u need time to sort out ur feelings, i'll cont to think abt wat u told me.. I'll cont to think thru our r/s, i'll put myself in ur shoes n think.. Cux i wanto understand where u're coming from, i wanto bridge the gap between us n lead us back to last time.. When we're like superglue n loving.. I hope u're trying hard to think thru how to maintain our r/s than jux to let it go lidat..
I told nick, its really hard for a r/s like ours to come by.. Its not abt the duration, but its the process n the person.. thru out our r/s, everything seems to gel so nicely despite our differences.. it seems like we're made for each other.. I dunno abt u, but i noe i wont be able to find another lover like u.. i wont be able to find another one tat able to make me feel so in love again.. Cux u're alr all tat i can asked for, im really satisfied to haf u by my side.. I cant ask for more in life..
Do u feel tat way too? U once put in ur fridae tat u're satisfied, but now? No longer satisfied?
I dunno if u still haf any feelings for me.. or do u still treasure our r/s.. or dunno since when ur feelings has started to fade.. But i really really do hope tat u'll think thru carefully.. u might not love my as much as before.. But even if u still haf tat little bit of feelings for me, can we try to work things out?? den to haf regret next time? U're the one i been waiting for n the one i wanto settle down wif..
We haf many dreams which we had not fulfilled yet.. Are we still able to fulfill them??
I hope
I pray
I cross my fingers
Lastly, im waiting for u..
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