Was really happy to meet u yesterday & to be able to company u.. While doing ur hair, ur hp rings non-stop.. times r colleagues, others? Frens? who? U turned it to silent after awhile, but it cont to get busy thru out the day..
Things were a lil awkward initially but im glad the situation was kept under control and we still managed to joke abit.. =)
U finished ur hair earlier than expected so u suggested to go back to ur place first before sending me to work ltr..
The moment i stepped in.. The feelings r so confused.. Its like this used to be the place tat im so familiar with & its like my second home.. But now i feel like a 'guest'?
Saw precious!! Gosh!!! I miss her so so much!!! Saw ur mum too.. She looked abit moody, hope she's still strong n doing fine..
After chatting wif ur mum for awhile in the living room, we went back to ur room.. The room tat used to be our lil world.. The bed i used to lie on, the TV i used to watch etc etc.. everythings r so familiar, yet i had to keep a distance.. the candles r still lying on the table..
I dunno whether i shld lie on the bed, sit on the platform or wat.. it got a lil awkward.. So i decided to settle myself at the bean bag.. all the mixed feelings im having makes me feel so emo suddenly.. tats why i suddenly became very quiet n keep staring at the TV.. but actually i was jux stoning n coping wif all the emotions inside me.. Sorry if i was too quiet n make the situation awkward for u..
I wanted so much to hug u, telling u how much i love n misses u.. asking u whether can we try to work things out etc etc.. Cux the thot of losing u n all the memories is suffocating me!!!
But my mind told me NO!! I cant do tat.. i hafto respect u n not irritates u by stepping over the line.. I shld jux tk things one step at a time.. or u might jux back off if i progress too fast..
Nick is right to say tat its really hard to go back to where we started from after being tgt for so long n knowing each other so well.. the difficulty comes in at where to draw the line.. where do i position myself?? So ironic.. after almost 2yrs, im back at the question of where shld i position myself??
My heart only felt slightly better after we left n on the way to send me to work.. and i tried to say things to make the atmosphere better.. Along the way to work, memories come flashing in my mind again.. the usual route we tk, the usual sceneries we'll see along the way etc etc..
When parting gd bye.. My heart is like, why mux i work tonight? Why time passes so fast? How i wish we dun hafto part.. I dunno when we'll be meeting again.. so many thoughts n feelings not able to be described using words..
U read the second letter.. does it really mean u did miss me these days? Or u're jux afraid i'll be upset if i noe u din read the second letter? I noe im thinking way too much, but guess i cant help it when things r so 'blurred' now?
U told me its ok, i shld jux go hm n rest rather than joining u all for sun tanning.. Frankly speaking, i was rather upset.. cux i felt like u jux move forward abit by meeting me today but u push me away abit again by turning me down.. u told me u jux wanto enjoy urself wif ur frens.. tat sentence saddens me.. it sounds like u're drawing the line between us.. we're no longer an entity, we're 'separate' now..
My morale n mood is low thru out the whole shift n im damn tired.. every min of work, im looking forward to end of work so i can stop acting normal in front of colleagues..
Tmr working again cux a colleague took leave n i hafto cover him.. Thurs is Caren's bday celebration & butch hunt preview, nick asked me if im gg.. I say i dunno.. U din mention anything to me.. dunno if i'll be seeing u again on thurs or i dunno till when..
Guess i'll jux hafto learn to tk things one step at a time.. not to feel too hopeful or i'll get caught up wif my mixed feelings again..
*a photo of my cutie precious*
#p/s: Daddy misses u & the good old times...
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