Sun tanning on 8th???

NICK!!! So happy tat u msg me today to ask me to go sun tanning tgt!!!! =)

YES YES!!! Pls do try wif all ur means to change ur off from 9th to the 8th k? Den we can go sun tanning tgt!!! Btw bro, pls help me keep a look out if we really gg on 8th k? Cux i dun wanto lose my HP again!!!!! hahaha..

Awaiting ur gd news k?? *cross finger*

Badminton qualifying game on Wednesday!!!

Haha.. Wednesday gg to play badminton wif baby n her colleagues n ah ma.. Ah ma said i shld come n play cux i so FAT??? *sob sob*

Alright, I shall run here n there, dash here n there to shag all those fats ard me!!!!! hahaha.. Quite excited cux first time playing wif them after so long lah.. haha.. Hopefully it cld be regular thingy so tat i can exercise abit too.. hehe..

My baby won the Champion before lor!! So i musn't throw face!!! I gg to shock the whole world!!! WAHAHAA!!! So Wednesday wld be the qualifying game for me!!! haha..

Working for full incentives..

See?! I knew it!!! I am asked to work tmr night which is my original shift. But its more like no choice? Cux if i dun i wld only clock 14days this mth den i wld be able to get my full incentives le.. Wld only get 50%!!!

PLUS!!! They might be deducting 1 day of my leave cux i did not work today?? Like WTF?? I did not mess the planning nor the arrangement? I am jux gg for something that was planned for??

Sigh.. Got to work tmr night.. But nvm, since baby not meeting me tmr night.. jux tat after the night shift, supposed to go play badminton de.. Den followed by next day working day..

Here goes the cycle....

Monday blues..

Alright im here blogging after the 2nd failed attempt to blog using my iPhone. Why isit tat gf can blog using my iPhone but i cant?? Jux dun make sense n pisses me off.. *humpf*

Supposed to go for course today n tmr but only found out that it was rescheduled to september.. Now thinking will they ask me to go back n work tmr night.. *cross finger* Pls pray hard wif me NO!! haha.. But if they deduct my leaves den i rather go n work.. Pout.

Feeling tired now cux din slp much for the past few days.. Friday worked night shift den slp for abt 2hrs den met up wif my love.. din slp all the way till ard 12am? Den next morn woke up at abt 6am to get ready to go work.. Slept yesterday ard 11plus i think? Woke up this morning ard 6am.. YAWNS!! Think i wld nap awhile ltr.. hehehe.. =)

My poor precious is having menses now.. so she's kinda emo n feeling low.. Mux be having all the cramps n pains.. Poor ger!!! Daddy sayang sayang k?? *muack muack*

Anyway baby n i were talking abt getting a brown color toy poodle next time.. So i told precious: "Precious! Next time u got to make fren wif 'Q mo' liao".. HAHAHA!!! I think tat was quite funny!!! haha.. Went online to search for toy poodle photos.. Check it out!!!

Some photos of the puppies:

Den I found 1 owner damn idiot to cut the hair like this:


HAHAHA!!! But its damn cute n funny rite?? Think my baby wld consider this hairstyle if we own one next time!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAA!!!!!

Communication..

Communication is a thing in a r/s that we can't see or hear. But when it is gone, we'll tend to realise that the two hearts have drifted far away during its absence. Sometimes it is still not too late to bridge the gap, but at times it is jux impossible to do any amendments anymore.

It all boils down to TIMING!! It is important not to hide ur feelings or run away from the communication breakdown or lack of communication problem for too long.. till it hit the end point.. When it does, it is too late for ANYTHING & EVERYTHING..

Life is short & seriously u'll nv know wat the future brings.. The person who is by ur side now could jux be ur soulmate and life partner who will be the one who'll stand by u thru all the ups n downs in the "roller coastic world".. She could jux be ur pillar of support and the only certainty in this ever-changing world..

Do not give up easily especially if the love is true and real.. Words and actions can lie but feelings don't!! So take time to think and search within ur heart.. Do not be afraid to face the problem and make sure you do so together.. Only through the process of looking and talking about the problem, that is when the hearts start to bridge the gap.. and you might even find urself back at the starting point again and feel the love and feelings u once felt..

UPDATES!!!

WARNING: ITS GONNA BE A LONG & WORDY ENTRY!!!

Jux got hm from work & showered!! *yawns* quite tired but i jux can't wait to set up my iPhone so i can dl games n the web messenger n etc.. hehe.. =\

Well, of course i haf lotsa updates so baby, happy reading k? It shld entertain u quite well hor hor?? haha..

BATAM TRIP

YES!!! Went to book and make the payment for our batam trip in Jul yesterday before meeting Maddy & Eric.. Our mini honeymoon trip to HARRIS RESORT!!! Well baby, though its jux Batam but i hope we'll still enjoy ourselves there n spend quality time tgt.. We'll save up more for next yr k? I dun mind to go Bangkok again though we shld explore other places too.. But Bangkok is gd for shopping, eating & spending in other words.. haha.. Hopefully Maddy & Eric can join us next yr too k k?? =)

Some photos on Harris Resort's website below. Shall tk pics there n compare when we're back!!! hehe..



SAKAE SUSHI

Went to eat Sakae sushi @ MS after tat.. Been quite some time since we last ate Sakae till my baby 'stupidly & unknowingly' said how come the cup becomes smaller? haha.. so FUNNY!! Cux the big cup is for Ichiban Sushi and NOT Sakae Sushi my dear baby?? HAHAHA!!! SILLY U!!!

OH OH!! Did i mentioned my baby "eat snake" yesterday?? She 3plus finish meeting & off she GO!!! Naughty naughty!! haha.. But baby was sweet to offer to come pick me cux she noe tat im sure to be still slping or not ready yet to leave the house n meet her earlier hor hor? hehe..

Andersen's Ice Cream

This greedy gf of mine kept saying very full very full after eating Sakae but when she pass by Andersen's Ice Cream she told me she wanto eat ice-cream??! *faint* haha.. But nvm, we went to buy in the end. She arh.. Sometimes really makes me wanto laugh or wanto cry.. She wanted the waffle biscuit so she happily order tat thinking tat she only want ONE scope of strawberry ice cream but who knows after ordering the strawberry ice cream, the person looked at her and asked "then?" Den my gf gan cheong n asked how many scopes are there? And to our HORROR we found out there's a total of THREE scopes!!!

Evidences are below:

Renting DVD

After dinner, we decided to rent DVD & watch at hm.. This has become one of our fav pastime le hor?? haha..

When i asked how u know abt this shop, u told me u search the whole area when u tried to rent the Hot Shot DVD for me cux u noe i like to watch.. Baby, do u haf any idea i was how touched when i hear tat? Cux i noe u been thru many troubles n places n of course time n effort to help me rent the DVD tat time.. THANKS BABY!!! I FEEL SO SWEET N LOVED!!! MY BABY REALLY LOVES ME ALOT ALOT!!! hehe!!!

Alright, tats all for today le k? Pls tune in tmr again for new updates.. Goodnight!! =)

Sweet sweet love

Alright my love is complaining tat i did not update my blog.. =x

Well, i wanted to update on my way hm jux now but cant seems to be able to leh.. So sad.. Still thot i update my blog next time on the move.. haha..

Oh well, been feeling great n happy these days.. Cux of u?? *bleah* Yesterday supposed to be a 'resting' day for me said my love but she last min said this to me: "baby, i wld end early ltr ard 630pm, u wanto meet me?" HAHAHA!! She so funny lah.. Say wanto let me rest oso her den wanto meet oso her.. Silly ger.. BUT BUT!!! Im more than happy to meet her!!! hehe.. so of course WE MET yesterday!!! haha..

Nothing much for yesterday but just a simple dinner n quality at hm i wld say? Im really happy wif the wat things r now.. Cux i think we're starting to appreciate the so called 'routine-ness' of a r/s? Cux i see us enjoying ourselves, laughing at each other n teasing each other while at hm jux like before? Jux like i mentioned before, our love can be jux so simple n sweet.. Really enjoy ur company no matter where n when cux u always nv fail to put a smile on my face..

Jux wanto say ONCE AGAIN.. though i know i haf said this like a hundred millions times?? haha.. BABY I LOVE LOVE U!!! *muack muack*

*ps: BUDDY!!! I did not forget u ok?? I noe u're oso another no. 1 fan of my blog.. haha.. Pls meet up soon k? Tk care.. =)

*some random pics*

Seriously adore this lil cutie to NUTS!!! =\


Taking pics wif my new iPhone!!!

Happy happy weekends..

Im here blogging with my precious sitting on my lap n my baby bathing in the toilet!!! hahaha..

Really enjoy myself this wkends.. Cux managed to spend quality time wif my baby and im really happy with my life now.. Feeling satisfied and complete.. I could not haf asked for more.. =)

Friday:

Slept for only 2 hrs before i fly to town to meet my love n the lovely couple (maddy & eric) to get IPHONE!!! WooHoo!!! EVERYBODY I FINALLY GOT MYSELF A IPHONE!!!! YES!!! NO MORE HESITATION & 2ND THOUGHTS!!!! WAHAHAHA!!!!

Well, though the i find it a lil hard to sms cux of the limited space on the screen and the screen being real sensitive.. but im overall happy wif the purchase.. hehe.. will be able to try to go online using it on monday n not forgetting video call wif baby.. hahaha..

Saturday:

Slept, woke up & waited at hm for my love to buy me lunch n Maddy came over too!! Busy getting ready n off we go to Far East to get present for Zav n some random shoppings along the way.. Zav, hope u'll put the present to GOOD USE!!! hahaha.. ;p

Went park mall's fish & co for zav's bday celebration dinner.. Nothing spectacular but jux a simple gathering n dinner..

After dinner, we went back hm to park the car den took a cab to O bar for our 2nd rd of frens gathering.. haha.. So crowded!! Hafto wait for like so damn long to be able to sing the pathetic each time of 2 songs.. =x

But it was fun on the whole.. mayb becos im a happy boi? haha.. Really hafto agree wif a chinese saying "xiao bie sheng xin huan".. Cux i feel tat we're having the 'long lost' loving feeling again.. its like during the cool off period, we spent time to think abt our r/s, think abt wat we really want n hope for in our life.. We're clearer of our stand n our heart now i feel? Or at least for myself.. I noe clearly tat this is the life tat i want n u're the one tat i see in my life n the one tat i wanto spend my time wif..

Jux like today.. We jux slp till afternoon den wake up.. As usual, i wld go get u coffee n cigg.. Den we start to pack ur room, change bedsheets n bath precious etc.. the feeling is so nice.. its like though we're not doing anything romantic or exciting.. but it is sweet to be able to share n do the lil things in life tgt? Its like i can see ourselves settling down n living tgt next time.. =)

Jux wanto say: Baby i really really love u alot!!! Loving u is nv a routine n u jux make me feel so complete n happy loving n being loved by u.. I hope u feel the same way too n we'll cont to make things work b/w us.. Cux i noe i'll nv find another lover like u, another partner like u, another soulmate like u.. U're jux u n irreplaceable n im happy wif the way i still feel for u after being tgt for close to 2yrs.. *muack muack*

Alright, tats all for today n it has been a rather long entry anyway.. haha.. cux need to get changed n off to buy things n get dinner.. =)

I feel safe n loved with you ard..

Here I am updating my blog again.. think my baby is the only no. 1 fan of my blog bah.. haha..

Well, jux got hm from work n showered.. YAWNS!!! Had a super long day at work becos of an accident tat happened at 630am in the morning??!!!! AHH!!! Jux 1 hr before i change shift.. sigh.. jux my luck.. I seriously need to go bai bai this wkends le.. everyone been saying im damn 'suay' recently.. =(

Anyway, the purpose of typing this entry is to tell u my love tat I LOVE U!!! Thanks for the assurance u gave me yest, though it is jux thru smses.. It is alr enuff to satisfy me n make my day.. When we jux got back tgt, i was having doubts n uneasy feelings cux im afraid? Afraid wat if things dun work out? Alot of wat if running thru my mind.. But wat u sms me yest, make me feel so secure once again.. Jux like the way i used to feel in our r/s and im so so HAPPY!!! hehehe..

I am seeing 'light' in our r/s n I do believe tat things wld work out for us as long as we cont to work hard tgt to maintain this r/s.. Baby, jux wanto say tat im really very grateful to haf met u n fall in love wif u.. Cux these r the happiest days of my life!! Ops!! Getting kinda mushy now isnt it?? hehe.. But think someone is smiling ear to ear while reading hor hor?? wahaha..

*Disgress*

HAHAHA!!! Jux wanto share tat Im feeling so excited now!!! Cux im getting IPHONE LTR!!!! WHEE!!!! Like finally?? I made up my mind n go get it!!! hahaha.. Yes, its kinda ex but who cares?? I like can le.. And once in awhile only la hor hor baby?? hehe..

Exciting JULY!!!!

WHEE!!! Jux emailed my leave applications for July.. hehe.. And we're planning to go on a short & relaxing trip to Batam!!! Gonna spend some quality time there n enjoy ourselves.. =)

Jux went to make some enquiries abt Iphone.. Kinda ex though as compared to Nokia E71.. Not jux the plan but oso the cost of the phone.. And getting Iphone means i hafto switch from Starhub to Singtel!!! Its like gg in circle.. I started wif Singtel den switch to M1 den switch to Starhub and now i might be switching back to Singtel again?? Hmm.. these teleservice providers are happily earning my 1st time registration fee!!! haha..

Let me do some planning first.. Cux need to save for the trip too!! hehe.. Shld i jux pamper myself for once this time?? Or shld i be more rational.. The battle goes on...

Btw baby, i dun wanto keep things from u tats why i wld tell u how i feel jux now on MSN.. This is oso our agreement. Yes, i agree lets jux tk time n tk things slowly.. Thanks for having faith in our r/s n willing to work things out wif me..

Though meet up yest wasn't fantastic or exciting.. But im very satisfied.. Felt sweetness inside when u hug me to slp.. Also when we got woken up in the middle of night den realised we're not hugging again den we automatically turned and hug each other to slp again.. haha.. Mayb u din think much abt it or dun REMEMBER?? haha.. i felt sweetness at tat moment.. Cux tats the life tat i wanto spend wif u.. Simple n stable.. But of course i wld spice things up at times.. So i hope this journey of ours wld cont to be strong n work out for us..

Yawns!! Alright, time to get some rest before gg to work tonight.. Love n missing u my love.. *muacks*


#p/s: BABY!!! SEE!!! I got update my blog ok?? hahaha..

I LOVE U!!!!

YES YES!!! I am here to blog for awhile though i said i wont.. haha.. Cux i jux wanto let u noe tat...

Baby, thanks for all the honesty n effort in telling me wats on ur mind.. Thanks for giving us a chance again.. I hope this time our r/s will get to a higher level, a level tat we've nv reach before n nv come down again.. Gdnight my love, swt dreams to u.. Lastly, loving u always.. *muacks*

I LOVE U SO SO MUCH!!!!

Thinking abt our probs again..

Jux read ur blog..

When i was doing the calendar for u, i did notice tat we took lesser n lesser photos along the way.. But i think we did manage to haf a pretty long 'honeymoon' period?? Tat doesnt come easy i wld say.. and tats why i feel tat a r/s like ours is really hard to come by n i dun wish to see all the memories n efforts gg down the drain jux lidat..

Like we both said, we noe each other too well le.. Tats why things got more n more 'predictable' along the way?? Tats why when i do or make things for u, u're not as touched or surprised as before?? Does it really mean the love or feelings has changed??

Think wat u're missing is the feelings we shared during our 'honeymoon' stage?? But from the term 'honeymoon', we shld noe tat it's impossible to always stay in the 'honeymoon' stage forever rite?? Everything in life goes in a circle, we can't be staying at a stage forever.. Like i said, our r/s has moved on to another stage..

I believe it tk 2 hands to clap?? If our r/s has become like a routine den i think both of us need to do some self-reflection on our part?? Frankly speaking, im thinking shld i say this to u.. but haf u also realised tat down the road in our r/s, u've stopped giving me surprises or make things for me for a period of time?? U're always busy wif ur work n etc..

Pls dun get me wrong, im not complaining abt u or anything.. But my point is, if we're gg to try to work things out.. I cant be fighting alone.. I need ur efforts n commitments too.. I can't do miracle alone..

Like i said, i did not once feel tat im not loved by u even when we're gg thru the 'routine' stage.. think tats becos im contented to jux haf u by my side?? things aren't as exciting as before, but i appreciates the simplest things in life for the 2 of us?? Cux tats the only formula to make a r/s last??

So i think the first thing starts from the mentality?? If u keeps thinking tat there's a prob wif our r/s, something is missing which u dunno wat exactly it is etc etc.. I think its really hard to try to work things out..

We'll first need to accept the fact tat our r/s has moved on to another stage, so we can't keep the same mentality or keeps comparing to last time?? Cux its a diff love game now??

I really had no idea how long u’ve been feeling something is missing from our r/s.. But mayb I shld be thankful tat this person came along n place a threat to our r/s?? Cux it makes u not wanting to sweep the probs under the carpet anymore n raise the red flag n asked for a cool off??

I noe its hard to start all over again.. it’ll tk even more courage than to start a new r/s.. But for all tat we’ve gone thru n for all tat we’ve put into this r/s, can we haf the lil faith in our r/s??

When I was wif angeline, she did not make me haf the faith tat it’ll work out.. I jux can’t see her in my future plans.. tats why things did not work out.. But I do see u in my future plans.. I do hope tat u’re the one who will stay by my side down the road.. I really hope we cld overcome this tgt n not let it go easily..

Lots of thinking these days, im glad u make me think deeper abt our r/s.. cux u make me understand myself n our r/s better.. I do hope we’ll be able to grow tgt wif our r/s..

Lastly, I love u..


Misses, ford

Thanks for everything..

Really appreciates ur honesty today.. Thanks for finally facing the probs n talking to me abt it..

No matter wat happens, thanks for everything!!! These memories will not be forgotten..


Loves,
ford

Get well soon..

Jux got hm from work.. showered n eat the porridge tat mummy cooked.. mummy so swt cooked porridge for me.. she oso very li hai.. within mins den got egg n fish le.. haha..

Anyway, i hope u're feeling better now.. Its been a while since i seen u in such a pain le.. poor u!! U looked so pale n shagged yesterday.. Den at night still went back to work.. today mux be busy for u again cux yesterday u din go to work.. Today got alot of things to clear bah..

BUT!!! Nvm, im seeing u ltr in the night!!! Whee!!! Lalala!!! hehe!!!!

Will be meeting nick earlier at cityhall to try to get something for Caren while waiting for u to come join us..

Though yesterday the first sentence tat u said to me when i said im on my way down is "u come my place for wat??" but im glad i still make my way down.. I din hesitate abt gg or not, i jux went.. Im glad im there for u, cux i dun want u to be suffering in pain alone.. Im happy jux to be there to look after u..

Before i left for work, i did think of hugging u before i leave.. but i think think better dun la.. dun want ltr u angry or wat.. but who KNOWS?? U initiates to hug me before i left.. the feeling is so so GOOD!!! Cux u appreciates all tat i've done for u n its very swt of u.. I noe u're not gd wif words, but tat hug is more than enuff to satisfy me n make my day..

I'll continue to stay by ur side jux like how i always do in the past.. I hope soon u'll see me out there n grab my hand again..

Alright, im gg to get as much rest as i can now before meeting u ltr.. "Gdnite" my love.. Cant wait to see u ltr.. Love u, muacks..

Late night thinkings..

Im thinking abt wat u told me again.. im thinking abt our 'routine' problem once again during this lonely night..

I dunno since when u been feeling tat our r/s has become like a routine.. why is it u chose to keep everything to urself? why u nv voice ur feelings to me? why nv let me defend myself before deciding on the cool off?

Isit u think there won't be any changes? Isit u think tat im not doing enuff to make this r/s feel refreshing again??

Many things happened n many changes in ur life in this short period of time.. Ur ah pa issue tat resulted ur work load to multiply by TIMES!!! Ur parents issue tat saddens u n of course having to always be there for ur mum although u might really wish tat u no need to noe everything abt the truth.. cux it hurts u in either way?? We been having lil personal times for ourselves..

I dunno how long this cool off gg to be.. I dunno how much time u need.. i dunno how long i can cope wif my feelings n emotions.. Frankly speaking, im afraid.. im afraid of losing u.. im afraid of losing u after all tat we gone thru.. i cant afford to lose u in my life now.. its such a helpless feeling..

I wanto fight for u, but im afraid of giving u pressure.. i wanted so much to show or tell u how much u mean to me but im not sure whether u're ready to talk abt it.. i hafto tell myself to gif u time n space.. but im afraid wat if after all the time n space tat i gif u, u'll slowly get used to not having me ard??

Wat if u dun need me anymore? Wat if u dun see me in ur life?? How am i supposed to erase all the memories n the uncompleted dreams??

Am i right to gif u all the time n space tat u need?? Or im jux slowly losing u??

Im yearning for the day when u're ready to talk abt our problems.. im waiting for the day tat i'll haf u in my arms again.. and i noe i'll hold onto u even tighter than before becos not all r/s is able to come back for the 2nd time..

I miss u so..

Its late n the night is quiet.. listening to the song u jux sent me on a repeat mode.. thinking whether u've fallen asleep? did u cover urself well wif blanket?? Sweet dreams my love, missing u from the bottom of my heart..

thinking shld i go Caren's bday celebration on thurs.. will i be extra?? i thinking of gg becos tat was our original plan.. And i can get to see nick n u?? If i go, i purely jux wanto go n celebrate Caren's bday.. I might not be very close wif her but at least since she invited me (wif u), its out of courtesy?? but at the same time, i scared my prescence wld cause u to be uncomfortable? U only tell me "up to u".. hmm..

Supposed to go for butch hunt on thurs after tat n i've alr took leave on friday.. still thinking how am i supposed to spend my thurs night.. or im jux gg to stare at the ceiling of my small lil room??

I jux wanto enjoy my thurs night since i alr took leave on friday..

Many thoughts on my mind now, dunno where to start or how to pen it down.. Jux wanto say, i really misses u.. I hope u cld share wif me wats on ur mind.. at least tat wld make life easier for me?? at least we're facing the prob than running away from it?? really hope we cld overcome this tgt n continue our r/s strong n steady..

Do not stress out my love..

U seems to be very busy wif work.. Poor u.. I noe work has been hectic for u, but u mux jia you ok? Jux bare wif it for now, soon u'll be having more free time.. Cux guess this is the season where there'll be more jobs.. jux remember to haf ur meals on time n regularly or ur gastric wld act.. drink more water n haf enuff rest..

Glad u haf fun over the weekends.. at least it makes u feel better?

Jux noe tat whenever u need me, i'll be there.. U can count on me if u need a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen to ur problems etc.. This has nv changed from the first day.. Im jux a ring away, so do not hesitate if u need me.. this i promise u..

Sometimes i dunno how or wat to feel..

Jux got back from dinner at da jie's place not long ago.. Dinner was gd? Haven ate home-cooked dinner for some time alr.. After dinner, watch TV and played wif niece & nephew for awhile.. Things seems the same as 1 week ago.. But nobody knows that I am actually feeling hollow inside..

Was really happy to meet u yesterday & to be able to company u.. While doing ur hair, ur hp rings non-stop.. times r colleagues, others? Frens? who? U turned it to silent after awhile, but it cont to get busy thru out the day..

Things were a lil awkward initially but im glad the situation was kept under control and we still managed to joke abit.. =)

U finished ur hair earlier than expected so u suggested to go back to ur place first before sending me to work ltr..

The moment i stepped in.. The feelings r so confused.. Its like this used to be the place tat im so familiar with & its like my second home.. But now i feel like a 'guest'?

Saw precious!! Gosh!!! I miss her so so much!!! Saw ur mum too.. She looked abit moody, hope she's still strong n doing fine..

After chatting wif ur mum for awhile in the living room, we went back to ur room.. The room tat used to be our lil world.. The bed i used to lie on, the TV i used to watch etc etc.. everythings r so familiar, yet i had to keep a distance.. the candles r still lying on the table..

I dunno whether i shld lie on the bed, sit on the platform or wat.. it got a lil awkward.. So i decided to settle myself at the bean bag.. all the mixed feelings im having makes me feel so emo suddenly.. tats why i suddenly became very quiet n keep staring at the TV.. but actually i was jux stoning n coping wif all the emotions inside me.. Sorry if i was too quiet n make the situation awkward for u..

I wanted so much to hug u, telling u how much i love n misses u.. asking u whether can we try to work things out etc etc.. Cux the thot of losing u n all the memories is suffocating me!!!

But my mind told me NO!! I cant do tat.. i hafto respect u n not irritates u by stepping over the line.. I shld jux tk things one step at a time.. or u might jux back off if i progress too fast..

Nick is right to say tat its really hard to go back to where we started from after being tgt for so long n knowing each other so well.. the difficulty comes in at where to draw the line.. where do i position myself?? So ironic.. after almost 2yrs, im back at the question of where shld i position myself??

My heart only felt slightly better after we left n on the way to send me to work.. and i tried to say things to make the atmosphere better.. Along the way to work, memories come flashing in my mind again.. the usual route we tk, the usual sceneries we'll see along the way etc etc..

When parting gd bye.. My heart is like, why mux i work tonight? Why time passes so fast? How i wish we dun hafto part.. I dunno when we'll be meeting again.. so many thoughts n feelings not able to be described using words..

U read the second letter.. does it really mean u did miss me these days? Or u're jux afraid i'll be upset if i noe u din read the second letter? I noe im thinking way too much, but guess i cant help it when things r so 'blurred' now?

U told me its ok, i shld jux go hm n rest rather than joining u all for sun tanning.. Frankly speaking, i was rather upset.. cux i felt like u jux move forward abit by meeting me today but u push me away abit again by turning me down.. u told me u jux wanto enjoy urself wif ur frens.. tat sentence saddens me.. it sounds like u're drawing the line between us.. we're no longer an entity, we're 'separate' now..

My morale n mood is low thru out the whole shift n im damn tired.. every min of work, im looking forward to end of work so i can stop acting normal in front of colleagues..

Tmr working again cux a colleague took leave n i hafto cover him.. Thurs is Caren's bday celebration & butch hunt preview, nick asked me if im gg.. I say i dunno.. U din mention anything to me.. dunno if i'll be seeing u again on thurs or i dunno till when..

Guess i'll jux hafto learn to tk things one step at a time.. not to feel too hopeful or i'll get caught up wif my mixed feelings again..

*a photo of my cutie precious*

#p/s: Daddy misses u & the good old times...

7th June 2009...

Mayb u've forgotten wat day today is.. 7th June.. Happy 1 yr 11 mth anni to u..

We shld be celebrating our 2 yr anni in 1 mth time..

But no one know wat wld happens in 1 mth time.. so in the mean time, tk care the love of my life..

Misses..


*Some photos to remember me by*

快乐

快乐是可以分享的
快乐需要一些过程
快乐总是能被记得
因为记忆只留下美好的

Ni shi ni zi ji de zhuo zhe
何必写那麽难演的剧本
别怪话说的太多了
我只是不要你不快乐

被爱应该是幸福的
去爱没有想像的愚蠢
相爱可以非常地单纯
因为爱全是与生俱来的

你问我怎麽那麽神
这些智慧该如何才获得
爱你我认识了快乐
它带我上了难得的一课

*canto lyrics*

有了你开心d
乜都称心满意
咸鱼白菜也好好味
我与你永共叙
分分钟需要你
你似是阳光空气

*Han yu pin yin in the middle becos my computer dun allow me to write in chinese suddenly*

Lets start from the beginning again..

Good morning!!

Wld be gg to acc u ltr to do ur hair.. Able to spend abt 4hrs wif u bah.. So looking forward.. Well, i dunno how u feeling now.. still as confused?? But, nvm.. i noe u need more time & i'll cont to wait patiently..

Since yest after u agreed to meet up today, i suddenly got the simple & sweet feeling just like when we're dating.. Its like, u jux hafto say one word or do a simple action or jux a look from u is enuff to melt my heart.. This feeling is wonderful i wld say..

So.. while u need more time.. I hope we cld tk this time to let us slowly get to noe each other all over again.. let us start from the beginning again.. let our heart choose again.. and lets jux enjoy each other's company n dun talk abt those sensitive or stress issues..

I jux want u to enjoy my company or the things i do for u jux like before.. I jux want u to be happy everyday.. so do not be stress out my love.. jux tk time to noe me again & let ur heart slowly find the ans u need & noe wat u want.. Dun worry of how long u'll tk or wat if things dun work out.. I dun want u to think so much when u're wif me.. Jux forget abt all those stressful problems.. and i hope u'll feel safe n happy when im ard..

Got to go get ready soon.. see u ltr, muacks.. =)

U make my day.. =)

Well, i thot i started my day bad this morning cux of the morning call.. BUT!!! U turn the table around & make my day!!!

Work is very busy today, but still managed to squeeze time to think of u & i miss u so much.. I wondering how r u doing etc etc.. So i decided to jux try my luck by msging u n ask whether u wanto haf dinner tgt.. but u replied not today as u meeting Madeline.. thot i wld try asking again on my next off day..

3 minutes passed & i thot i really jux wanto see u.. tmr is saturday, u worked half day so wat u gg to do.. so i try my luck again by asking u lunch tmr?? And GUESS wat?? I strike the first place of TOTO!!! U replied ok!!! And ur tone sounds friendlier to me.. I felt so warm inside n excited abt meeting u tmr.. I feel like a happy boi!!!! lalala.. I was distracted n not really looking after operations.. I thinking "heck la.. kena scold den scold lor.. Wats impt is im meeting u tmr!!! wahaha..."

*sweetness*

Went to talk to u online jux now & managed to "talk cock" wif u.. though u mentioned in ur blog tat u're still having many thoughts on ur mind, but im glad tat we're on better talking terms now.. its alr more than wat i cld haf asked for..

Wat makes me even happier is u told me u bought me a Nike T-shirt becos u think it suits me.. Woohoo!!! Really feel so sweet inside out.. U jux led me to heaven!!! haha.. okok.. i noe this blog is getting cheesey but this is exactly how im feeling now.. i cant hide.. *ops*

BUT BUT!!! Time to come down back to the earth which we lives in that can't escape the force of GRAVITY!!! YES!!! I told myself not to be so hopeful.. Jux keep trying n see how things go.. Well, i dun dare n dun wanto think too much.. cux i wanto end my day happy.. oh oh.. Able to eat better today.. felt so fat can?? I think i shld be slping better tonight too!!

Gdnite my love, i miss u..

Morning call..

Gave u morning call on thursday morning becos i noe u haven been slping well & not having enuff slp, so im afraid u wont wake up in time for work.. felt gd becos i haven gif u morning call in a long long time?? And tat suggests to me tat i got lazy along the way.. But giving everyday wld also lost its meaning isnt it?? Think everything in life hafto be balance bah.. if not things wld become too predictable, becomes boring n falls into a 'routine'??

A fren jux gave me this idea.. Routine in life isnt all gd nor isnt all bad.. Yes, routine can mean things r not progressing n jux keeps repeating.. perhaps even losing its meaning etc.. But routine in life cld also mean certain degree of stability in life? Humans dun really like changes as we gotta keeps adapting n adjusting.. wont tat be very tiring??

So think its right to say tat everything in life needs to balance in order not to fall to either of the extremes..

Hence, im wondering.. U said our r/s is becoming like a routine.. Think it isnt all tat bad rite? It means tat our r/s has matured n rch a steady state.. however, we still needs to spice things up once in awhile to stir things up & make it all exciting n refreshing again..

*side track*

Gave u morning call again this morning & realised u're alr on the line when i called u at 7am.. 7AM!!! Who can u be on the line wif?? Is someone else giving u morning call too?? Sigh.. thots running wild in my mind n my heart sunk while walking to workplace..

可不可以爱我

为什麽如此的安静
为什麽明明想靠近
却还在迟疑
努力的我保持镇定
努力开拓话题
最後却溃不成军

为什麽如此的美丽
深刻的烙在心里最温柔的酷刑
每一天无法不想你
连闭上眼睛怎麽都是你

你可不可以爱我
可不可以想我
虽然我对自己没有一点的把握
别害怕我难过告诉我你真实的感受
至少忐忑能告一段落

你可不可以爱我
可不可以看我
反正看或不看 我依然失魂落魄
成全不是美德 拒绝也不是一种罪过
你能给我 快乐还是寂寞

为什麽如此的美丽
深刻的烙在心里最温柔的酷刑
每一天无法不想你
连闭上眼睛 怎麽都是你

你可不可以爱我
可不可以想我
虽然我对自己没有一点的把握
别害怕我难过告诉我你真实的感受
至少忐忑能告一段落

你可不可以爱我
可不可以看我
反正看或不看 我依然失魂落魄
成全不是美德 拒绝也不是一种罪过
你能给我 快乐还是寂寞

Oh...
想念燃烧个不停
我快只剩灰烬
你是我的呼吸

你可不可以爱我
可不可以想我
虽然我对自己没有一点的把握
别害怕我难过 告诉我你真实的感受
至少忐忑能告一段落

你可不可以爱我
可不可以看我 我依然失魂落魄
成全不是美德 拒绝也不是一种罪过
你能给我
能给我什麽
快乐还是寂寞

If you leave me now

If you leave me now
You'll take away the biggest part of me
Oo, oo, oo, no, baby, please don't go

And if you leave me now
You'll take away the very heart of me
Oo, oo, oo, no, baby, please don't go
Oo, oo, oo, girl, I just want you to stay

A love like ours is love that's hard to find
How could we let it slip away?
We've come too far to leave it all behind
How could we end it all this way?
When tomorrow comes and we both feel bad the things we said today

And if you leave me now
You'll take away the very heart of me
Oo, oo, oo, no, baby, please don't go
Oo, oo, oo, girl, I just want you to stay

A love like ours is love that's hard to find
How could we let it slip away?
We've come too far to leave it all behind
How could we end it all this way?
When tomorrow comes and we both feel bad the things we said today

If you leave me now
You'll take away the very heart of me
Oo, oo, oo, no, baby, please don't go
Oo, oo, girl, I just want you to stay

And if you leave me now
You'll take away the very heart of me
Oo, oo, oo, no, baby, please don't go
Oo, oo, girl, I've just got to have you by my side

Starting work tmr..

Jux got back from kerry's place n bath.. Thanks buddy! Thanks for ur patient teaching n help in facebook n blog.. though this blog still cannot make it.. Cant change the blog skin nor add in the song.. But really do appreciates ur effort in helping me.. Also entertaining me wif the bejeweled game.. haha.. I've not laugh for the past 3 days le.. thanks buddy!!

When getting ready to go to buddy's place this morning, i sprayed the perfume u bought for me & i thot of u.. Den i wonder whether will u oso thought of me when u spray the guess perfume.. Hope tat u'll remember me by the scent.. tat is enuff to bring a smile on my face le..

When learning n exploring facebook, i am able to put myself in ur shoes.. Esp when playing the online game, buddy & i were both addicted n laughing during the game.. Den i thought to myself, tats why u'll spent so much time playing the game?? Esp when u're bored during work or nothing to do at hm??

When trying to improve the blog, it reminds me of the blog u did for us? I realised the time n effort tat is needed even jux to put up a simple blog.. Thanks.

Looking thru ur blog, seems like u did not post anything since march? Initially, i thought no new updates was becos u're busy n tired? But thinking now, isit becos like wat u said? U feel tat our r/s has become like a routine, tats why u haf got no update to post? So isit tat since march u've been feeling tat way but u kept this a secret of urs??

These few days really makes me think alot.. trying to think wat would u be thinking.. i then realised mayb i really did neglect ur feelings due to my work? Like u complained to me before, why i can't spend the public holiday wif u? Why my 6days off, i only spend wif u for so few days etc etc..

I also jux recalled tat recently u jux suddenly asked me how many more mths of instalments do we haf for the TV n computer.. isit u're asking becos u're thinking of leaving me n u wanto noe how to settle the costs of them? Thinking of this really scares me.. Cux it seems like u're planning to leave me though u nv say.. or u dunno how to say?

I felt tat i've been such a failure.. Why i nv sense tat u're not feeling gd all this while? Why mux i only realised when i see u leaving? Isit too late for me to do or say anything now? I really dunno..

Buddy asked me, do u think even if u two get back tgt.. do i think things will be back to usual? wont it be awkward??

My reply: Definitely, deciding on getting back tgt is not only by saying.. there's no pt of getting back tgt w/o solving the prob. our lifestyles wont change overnight.. furthermore, i can't possibly turn back time n bring us back to our dating or honeymoon stage when everything is so swt n simple.. we'll need to put in efforts to bring back the feeling of in love back into our r/s.. This will surely tk time n committments..

But the question is, is ur heart still wif me? Will you put in the effort wif me n believing tat we can overcome this 'routine' stage n bring our r/s to another level??

Endless questions, endless possibilities.. wat will be the final decision.. I really wonder, yet i dare not pin too much hope..

Will you come back to me??

Thinking n bridging the gap..

Woke up ard 9plus 10am today.. Not too bad, managed to slp abt 5-6hrs? Think is becos my body is giving way le? My body is finally drained out n need the rest? Or mayb meeting up wif frens n talk abt it really helps me to feel slightly better? Anyway i oso think becos we managed to chat online yest really helps.. Cux at least we're talking though not much..

Talking to nick yest n she told me tat time when she n janice went over ur place for chill out.. U mentioned something abt our r/s has become a routine? Always meet up, haf dinner, go hm, watch TV/relax then slp.. Everytime is the same.. I was demoralized when i hear tat.. Cux i din noe tat u're actually feeling this way for quite sometime alr.. when i did not sense anything wrong??

I was really upset n angry wif myself.. why i did not sense anything wrong? Why u did not tell me anything or talk to me abt it? But choose to keep to urself n allow this issue to grow? Why am i not sensitive enuff to noe tat u're feeling tat way?? I dunno since when or how long u been feeling this way..

Im sorry that u hafto hide ur feelings n hafto pretend tat nothing is wrong whenever u're wif me.. Im sorry for all the struggles u hafto go thru on ur own.. Im sorry tat i did not understand ur needs better?

Been thinking abt the word 'routine'.. Looking thru the pics we took, everything haf been so swt since the beginning.. Yes, we do quarrels or arguments but we managed to iron things out n keep our r/s strong.. But mayb for the past few mths, both our work has been busy n u having all the issues wif ah pa, parents etc our life became more stagnant? Cux we dun meet up wif frens tat often anymore.. We meet up n most of the time we jux go hm..

But im wondering isnt all r/s lidat? Singapore is so small or working life in singapore is so hectic tat our available leisure activities are only those few: Movie, shopping, Ktv, Pool, clubbing, sun tanning n etc.. Both of us are working, hence we could only meet up after work or off days.. After a day of work, there's only limited things we could do becos next day we gotta work too? Unless its a weekend n not working the next day, den we could stay out late.. Aren't we doing all these? I really wonder isnt all r/s lidat?

Tats why it really makes me think isit becos of my work? Cux i work shifts, i can't spend all weekends wif u, sometimes public holidays i got to work n can't acc u.. Den on night shifts, im unable to meet or chat wif u after u finish work.. Isit becos of these, tats why u feel lonely at times? Becos of my work, u hafto find ur own entertainments, stay hm n try to find things to do etc.. Yet, u cannot complain to me becos im working.. U hafto be supportive tats why u've been keeping quiet all the while? And the prob jux cont to grow till now u think we need a cool off to think abt the r/s??

The past 2 times tat u came to talk to me online, the first thing u ask me is always abt work.. do u realised?

First time:

gillyn. *Time stand still and two hearts catch fire* says:
not workin today?

gillyn. *Time stand still and two hearts catch fire* says:
thought u suppose to be workin nite shift

Second time:

gillyn. *Time stand still and two hearts catch fire* says:
still not slepin?

gillyn. *Time stand still and two hearts catch fire* says:
oh ya

gillyn. *Time stand still and two hearts catch fire* says:
u not workin tomorrow


I wanted to ask u yesterday when u came to talk to me.. isit the first thing tat u'll ever talk to me is abt my work? U're always asking who come i nv work or why i nv slp.. But i dun wanto spoil the conversation, hence i hold back.. But it does make me realised tat to u, my work always come first.. But do u noe, u're very impt to me too?? Everyone has to work, we can't run away from it.. Thus, i always make sure my free time are all reserved for u.. haf u realised it? And i'll always think of ideas to spice things up n make u feel loved..

- Like i wld surprise u at where u having meetings (Upper thomson rd & the indian lawyer's couple, still rem?)

- Tat night when i last min dun need to go work and we decided to go watch movie, i secretly went to get a card n write down how much i treasure the time i can spend wif u..

- I prepared a romantic dinner for u at hm

Can't u feel the love from me?? Isit still not enuff to spice things up??

I also realised u been spending alot of time on facebook? isit becos u're bored tats why u'll keep urself entertain thru facebook? Im not into facebook, but now im trying to figure it out n try to close up our gap.. Isit too late to do so now?

Well, during this time tat u need time to sort out ur feelings, i'll cont to think abt wat u told me.. I'll cont to think thru our r/s, i'll put myself in ur shoes n think.. Cux i wanto understand where u're coming from, i wanto bridge the gap between us n lead us back to last time.. When we're like superglue n loving.. I hope u're trying hard to think thru how to maintain our r/s than jux to let it go lidat..

I told nick, its really hard for a r/s like ours to come by.. Its not abt the duration, but its the process n the person.. thru out our r/s, everything seems to gel so nicely despite our differences.. it seems like we're made for each other.. I dunno abt u, but i noe i wont be able to find another lover like u.. i wont be able to find another one tat able to make me feel so in love again.. Cux u're alr all tat i can asked for, im really satisfied to haf u by my side.. I cant ask for more in life..

Do u feel tat way too? U once put in ur fridae tat u're satisfied, but now? No longer satisfied?

I dunno if u still haf any feelings for me.. or do u still treasure our r/s.. or dunno since when ur feelings has started to fade.. But i really really do hope tat u'll think thru carefully.. u might not love my as much as before.. But even if u still haf tat little bit of feelings for me, can we try to work things out?? den to haf regret next time? U're the one i been waiting for n the one i wanto settle down wif..

We haf many dreams which we had not fulfilled yet.. Are we still able to fulfill them??

I hope

I pray

I cross my fingers

Lastly, im waiting for u..

An improvement??

Am really surprised n happy tat u came to talk to me online jux now!!! Cux u're talking to me!!! OMG!!! U dunno how THRILL i am when i see ur name poping out from the msn..

And we managed to continue the conversation slightly longer?? And im glad that i chose to talk to u normally.. Not tat i wanto sweep our problems under the carpet, but i noe u wont wanto talk abt it cux u need more time.. Also i dun wanto rush u, i jux sincerely wanto haf a nice chat wif u after not contacting for the past 2 days..

YEAH!!! My effort managed to exchange a "hahaha" reply from u!!! Do u haf any idea how happy n contented when i saw that reply? Even if u jux try to entertain me but i hope not? Cux i think i see bits of the 'ice' between us chipping off?? I really dun like u to be moody n feeling no good.. I jux wanto ensure tat u're doing fine cux u dunno how to express urself n u always keep things to urself.. Im worried abt u, wondering whether u're coping well..

Remember: no matter wat, i'll always be wif u to go thru all the ups n downs.. Im jux standing outside, waiting for u to open up ur heart again n gif me ur hand.. I'll shelter n protect u using all my means n strengths..

*Will tmr be a better day? Will we be able to chat abit longer than today?

我想要说

看着右手被撕裂的伤口
爱好像曾经停留
而我左手按下号码之后
那首属于我的歌不再播送


默写你的爱过坦承自己脆弱
对白怎么说表情才不难过


我想要说
我想要说
如果没有了你我该如何往下走
那一秒钟有没有发现我倔强里的问候
怎么劝我放手在这一切之后


整夜的风冷得我手颤抖
你在温暖的那头
熟悉路口再一次的路过
等在那角落的人已不是我


默写你的爱过坦承自己脆弱
对白怎么说表情才不难过

我想要说
我想要说
如果没有了你我该如何往下走
那一秒钟有没有发现我倔强里的问候
怎么劝我放手在这一切之后

Oh..... Oh.....

我想要说
我想要说
如果没有了你我该如何往下走
那一秒钟有没有发现我倔强里的问候
怎么劝我放手在这一切之后

怎么劝我放手在这一切

Its been 2 days..

Yes, its been 2days since the 'bomb' sms from u..

For the past few days, cant really slp, cant eat, cant stop missing u, cant stop stoning & thinking abt our r/s....

Tried to meet frens to occupy myself so I won't be alone n start all the stoning n thinking.. everywhere i go, things i see, songs i hear reminds me of u.. den i started thinking how am i supposed to cope w/o u in my life? Cux for the past 2 yrs pls, my life haf been revolving ard u & only u?? Ur shadows r everywhere, i jux can't simply run away from it.. HELP!!!!!!!!

I am like a living zombie.. Nothing interests me & everything seems meaningless when l think of u disappearing from my life.. My joy n happiness has been pinned on u since the day i fell for u.. Now tat u're missing, wat am i supposed to do or feel??? feel so helpless...

I really miss u like crazy these few days.. do u miss me too i really wonder.. Do u feel tat a part of ur life is missing when im not ard?? Yes, i do feel tat way.. Though i dare not hold too much hope, but i really hope u do in certain extent??

After met up wif a fren in town, met nick at breko after her work.. Thanks nick for the company, listening n talking to me.. Cux i dunno who to turn to.. I been devoting all my time n energy on u ever since we're tgt. I'll be meeting u or tgt wif ur family or frens.. I dun haf many frens n telling them abt our issues i dun think they could understand too..

Tmr will be meeting buddy, mayb a gd cry again before i gg to start my work cycle on friday.. which i really need to try to settle my emotions so i wont screw up my work..

Conclusion: I really dare not hold too much hope for im afraid of getting disappointed?? But yet i noe i'll try my very best to save our r/s.. Nick n buddy told me do not haf any regrets.. Yes, i wont becos u're worth me fighting for.. Cux u're the one tat i really love the most n the one i see us settling down.. Yes, life moves on no matter wat.. But i noe u're irreplaceable n u hold a very special place in my heart..

Dunno how long more u need to tk to sort out ur feelings, but no worries.. I wont rush or force u.. I'll be waiting for u to be ready to settle this issue tgt.. i'll be waiting for u to come back to me again..

Misses u like crazy...

I need an avenue to let out my feelings & emotions

I created this blog so that i can write down watever im feeling.. cux i respect ur decision of giving u space n time to think thru.. So i dun wanto keep sending u emails n irritate u..

Received the sms from you on Sunday during work really shocked me alot alot.. I was shattered upon seeing ur smses.. Wat happened? Wat went wrong? Our r/s has become a routine?? Endless questions keep running through my mind..

Tried to control during work but still i went to the toilet n teared.. cux i nv thot this day wld ever come or at least i did not see it coming at all.. Like i said, u really caught me off-handed..

Tried to concentrate during work but can't help but stoning and thinking thru wat u smses me.. Has been stoning for days too.. cant slp well, cant eat well.. Cux im afraid i wld lose u?? Am i gg to lose u baby??

I am afraid tat the next time i hear from u, it'll be the end of our r/s.. We've gone thru so much jux to be tgt n of course putting so much effort jux to be where we are now..

Routine? Like i emailed u.. Im sry if becos of my work, i let u feel lonely at times and caused u to feel tired in the r/s.. Mayb i really din try to better understand ur needs ever since i started working??

But is our r/s or love not gg to be able to overcome this obstacle??

Are all the feelings, love, efforts and memories gg down the drain???

Are u really able to let go of everything jux lidat? I noe i cant for sure.. Cux for me its not jux out of habit or routine, but i really do love u still.. This strong feeling has not changed since day 1.. tats why i been pampering n doing things for u to let u feel love, pamper n happy wif me..

We shared so many wonderful moments n times tgt, we oso haf many dreams ahead of us.. things seems fine jux a mth ago, but why after a mth, things can change so much..

I really hope u'll gif it a gd thought of our r/s n wat u really want.. Cux i dun wish u to make any impulse or silly decisions n ended up both of us will suffer..

No matter wat happened, i'll love u n i'll do anything to save our r/s.. I hope our r/s will be able to overcome this n be a stronger one..

Always loving n missing u, ford.